It Takes An Ocean Not To Break

Authors Note: Borrowing the face and name of the character Katie Feldman from one of my favourite films, for this piece. It's probably only going to be a short one, but the playlist I tossed together is giving me more ideas than I can take on board, so there's room for updates and when that happens, I'll be bumping chapters over to the lengthy fiction section!

Playlist: https://play.spotify.com/user/madamewolfy/playlist/1GICBhz4L81aEAMVS5Sdfp

Sean knew everything there was to know about the girl, and she knew for a fact that he would take it all to the grave, but without him around to talk to whenever she was feeling low, unpleasant thoughts filtered in and out of her head, the world around her no longer spinning. It was as though time itself stopped dead, waiting on some kind of kick up the rear end to jolt it back to normality and the reality that everyone knew, but she never told him about her difficulties. There were demons in her past that she longed to forget and achieving that particular goal, meant never sharing what had happened, with anyone, no matter how close they were to her. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek as she sat on the balcony, overlooking the vast horizon of evergreen, dotted here and there with bundles of heather, as she pondered when he might be back home from the latest convention on the other side of the world, near enough. Days had gone by so slowly since his departure and she still didn't have the heart to tell him that she missed everything about him, because that would be giving in to temptation and perhaps, winding up stuck in the middle of another tempestuous relationship, just like the last she had barely escaped from in one piece. It was hard on her, after the last few years, having to live with those awful memories day after day, with no one's shoulder to cry on for support.

There would always be that ringing in her ears from the force at which he pulled the trigger, barely missing her skull as it would fly by her, intentionally missing but hoping to warm her enough to keep herself to herself. Her troubled past relationship had become so much over time that she closed herself off from the world, and sometimes, even the one she cared for now. He never understood why, though, and although he repeatedly asked when the moment seemed okay to do so, she would simply brush off her unstable state with a smile and shake of the head, indicating the storm would soon pass. Usually, it did, with some struggle, but there were times she wished she didn't have to live through the memory of everything that man had her deal with during the turmoil that was their union. Katie knew that, eventually, where all of that anger and sorrow was burrowed in the pit of her stomach, the unease would expand until there was nothing left for it to do but explode, quite like a balloon, shattering her into a million tiny little pieces and turning her into a mere shell of a person, more so than she already was. It was the easiest thing in the world to put on a brave face for her new friend, however, because he made it so, with his own cheerful disposition. Some would call her weak for how she didn't handle it all very well, but she believed deep down, her heart was still capable of feeling.

It was often with that knowledge, that altogether knowing that she was able to fall in love still, that kept pushing her forward and wanting to sort herself out enough to actually try for some other kind of relationship with someone, but her heart lay close to someone whom considered her a very good friend and she just didn't have the balls to approach him with a subject like that. For fear of it all ending badly, she kept it to herself and allowed it to play on her mind as often as it wanted to, plaguing her dreams most nights because it wanted her to use her voice and call out for what she really wanted. The weight of everything her past relationship had left on her shoulders prevented the light from swamping all of the shadows, though, so she fell mute to her feelings for the guy she was currently missing, who wasn't due back in Ireland for at least another week or so. Skype calls had been limited to none, so their only real conversation fell into the odd text message a few times a day and though it was always enough just to hear anything from him when he wasn't near her, she felt put out by how busy he often was. Rather, she was understanding that he did have a hectic life, now, since the community blossomed so much, but in her misery, there would always be that little selfish aspect of her personality that wanted him with her all of the time, just for comfort, if nothing more.

A beep vibrates somewhere in another room, followed by the gentle buzz of her phone dancing idly atop the glass table in the kitchen and with a heavy sigh, she hoists herself up off of the bed, where she had perched in crystal clear unhappiness, and plodded out of the bedroom. It was her own room, of course, given that they had been living together in this block of flats for the last year and a half. Time seemed to fly by whenever you were around someone with whom you found great solitude; he was the sunshine to her otherwise dark rain cloud and he knew just how much he meant to her, but not to the extent she would never allow. He wasn't at all aware that she was falling fast and hard, but aware only of the sorry state she managed to get herself tangled up in at the worst of times. Then, he would offer her soft embraces and gentle pecks to the top of her head, sometimes the tip of her nose, if she was behaving particularly grouchy or pouty. The gesture would always work to pull a smile across her lips, though she struggled not to let him see what he was capable of and the guy actually thrived off of it, only going ahead and adding several more random bursts of affection just to get a giggle out of the girl, even when she wasn't feeling like offering anything more than a simple smile, to let him know that things were going to be okay in the end. It could minutes, hours, days or even weeks, but she was always adamant about making sure he understood it wasn't the end of her world; she wasn't going to crumble into a heap in the middle of the floor and forget to pull herself back up again. He would always be there to help, but when he wasn't and there was little to be done about it, she sometimes did end up right in the middle of the floor, lounging stupidly on the carpet and waiting for it to pass.

[ sms ; sean ] : hey luv, how are things going without me?
[ sms ; sean ] : pls tell me you haven't eaten all the cake?
[ sms ; sean ] : i'm looking forward to eating that when I get back
[ sms ; sean ] : come onnn, you know how impatient I am
[ sms ; sean ] : . . .

A couple of grunts left her lips as she scrolled through each of the messages he had sent her way, all in the space of a minute and a half, which was clearly not enough time for her to respond properly if she was busy elsewhere herself. Grin curling slowly at one corner of her mouth, she tapped her chin and looked upward toward the light, pondering over what she could say back to get his gears grinding, but there wasn't all that much that phased him, ever. It was absurd to think next to nothing could rile the guy, because she had tried many times just to see how red in the face he could become if irritated, but there had never been anything that pissed him off enough. To be that way and to live your life with so much ease, seemed an ideal situation for her and though she didn't find herself angered by anything very much, she always wanted to will away the pain of everything else that weighed her down. If she could manage that by adopting the outlook on life that he had, she would be well on her way to recovery, no longer fearing loud bangs or raised voices. She wanted to feel a part of the world she lived in and not have to worry so much about the what if scenarios that could come waltzing around the corner at any moment.

[ sms ; katie ] : hey you goof
[ sms ; katie ] : dude you know I'd never touch that cake
[ sms ; katie ] : don't forget that my life depends on not going near it
[ sms ; katie ] : ;p besides, I had in mind to bake a fresh one for your return
[ sms ; katie ] : sort of a celebration if you like
[ sms ; katie ] : how about it?

That same smile was still stretching across her features as she held the phone in both hands, watching the three blinking dots that indicated he was typing back to her, and quite quickly at that, which only heightened her happiness. A glum wave washed over her face some seconds later, though, when the blinking dots ceased and there was nothing, even though she waited well over ten minutes more to see them appear again so she could read over his, usually, excited response. But, no, no more texts came for a good half hour and that small flow of sunshine that had filtered into the apartment when they had been conversing briefly, disappeared. That rain cloud was looming overhead again and in a very childlike manner, she left the phone where it was, shoved the chair out and padded out of the kitchen and into the bedroom again. Kicking off her slippers, she fell back on the bed, not bothering to turn out the light or close the door given her sad little head space, because she had looked forward to chatting with him for at least an hour each time he would drop a text her way. He had told her how long he usually had in the midst of intervals and she was thankful that, at least, he was thinking of her in those moments he had to himself to wind down.

[ sms ; sean ] : jesus, sorry luv, went under a tunnel
[ sms ; sean ] : couldn't get a signal + dropped credit
[ sms ; sean ] : wanted to surprise you by coming back unannounced but
[ sms ; sean ] : I'm not about to dig around my case for my damn keys
[ sms ; sean ] : make sure you listen out for a taxi pulling up, I'll be home soon

Katie didn't get to view those messages, however, because through the obnoxiously loud sobbing from her usually quiet self, she had cried a river of tears and made a tiny pool on her pillow. The effort of crying actually knocked all the energy she had out of her and though it was only a little after ten at night, she soon fell sound asleep, clutching at the covers she hadn't actually pulled over herself. A loud thud jolted the girl from her restless sleep and she shot upright, noting the light had flicked off at some point and groaning when she deduced that had been the sound she heard, but she couldn't be bothered moving to go and fix the circuits now. Just as she settled back down to continue avoiding the awful night she'd had, another thud sounded through the apartment and she almost screeched in horror, finally realising that wasn't anything at all to do with the electricity. The first thought that ran through her frightened little head was all the defense stances and tactics that her friend had taught her over time, because he was always concerned for her well being whenever he wasn't home and as she scrambled back up from the bed and crept across the room, along the hallway in the pitch black and toward the front door, it sounded again. How near she was to it, now, sent her heart racing and the very first item she saw that could potentially do a little bit of damage was a wooden sword.

Clasping her chosen weapon tightly in one hand, she walked a little closer to the door, opening her mouth to speak until another thud sounded and her tired brain understood that someone was simply knocking, not trying to break the thing down. Relief washed over her, but the late hour she knew it was and the fact that she wasn't expecting anyone at all, shot her nerves through the roof a second time. There was someone uninvited standing on the other side of that door and insisting that she answer, or they were never going to go away. It was a choice between a peaceful nights sleep and opening the door, or opening the door and ending up with limbs pulled free of her body. It wasn't a choice she wanted to make at all, but in her dazed and confused state, she settled the palm of one hand over the doorknob, whilst gripping the sword still in her other hand and turning the knob gently; slowly, then slamming it shut again when she realised her mistake. It could be absolutely anyone and unless she voiced her concerns, she was definitely going to wind up mutilated.

' W.. who is it? ' she called out, voice shaking with every word and giving off the distinct impression she was the weakling everyone believed her to be, which wouldn't work well in her favour, under the circumstances. ' Do you know what time it is? Are you lost? ' again, she offered a little more, just in case this person was in fact at the wrong apartment door and couldn't quite see well enough in the dark.

' Katie? Come on, love, can ye let me in? ' the voice answered back, that familiar twang of Irish seeping through the latter of his words and all of her terror went flying out the window, at which point she dropped the sword and almost yanked the door off its hinges as she opened it to greet the guy she wasn't expecting home so soon. ' Jesus, I t'ought ye got t'text n' decided ta play games wit' me or somethin' ' he chuckled.

But she wasn't chuckling, as he walked into the flat and just about had time to set his case down when she flung herself into his arms, winding her arm securely around his neck and burrowing her face into his shoulder, inhaling the scent of far away places. It crossed her mind that she must have fallen into a deep sleep if she hadn't heard the text message she had received from him, but didn't think to add on to that, because the only thing that mattered in that moment; that moment she wished she could freeze, or keep and replay over and over again, was how she was no longer alone and that, as soon as his own arms circled her waist and pulled her flush against his body, along with the amused cackle that escaped him soon after, she felt at home.