Weakness In Me

"I tried to bury my feelings for you somewhere they would wind up lost forever, but you're the one who holds the candle that leads the way; and I realised, my love for you will always be here, if you are, too."

— Weakness In Me Polyvore

— Playlist

*lets out squwonk of glee* You've no idea how excited I am for this! The playlist is lovely and don't even get me started on the Polyvore! I'm patiently awaiting the first installment. :-)

A latte was my usual evening routine after a long day at work, filing papers and setting them all up for collection the following day. It might have seemed a very dull job, but it was merely a starting point before I reached my main goal. I longed to work within the employment sector, supplying those who had been out of work for an extended period of time, with the skills necessary toward gaining a fair amount of interview sessions. In the world we live in today, companies expect qualities not everyone possesses and so, landing a job you desperately want is the most difficult thing in the world. My positivity shone on a daily basis whilst I was working and keeping those around me in high spirits. But it all altered when I walked out of those office doors after five in the afternoon.

In my arms, there was usually a big box filled with further papers I had yet to sort through, but not on this night. I had managed to complete all my tasks in a timely manner and had, actually, finished up on everything a little after two in the afternoon. Only problem was, I was now feeling a little lightheaded from all the hard work and the coffee I'd ordered was only adding to the slightly dazed sensation. Sipping meekly with my upper lip curved over the ridge of the mug, I focused my eyes on the menu across the bar area, but thought better of it when my stomach growled as if to tell me I had eaten enough in the space of two hours today and if I chose to feed it again, it would hurl.

Sighing in defeat, I downed the rest of my coffee and stood, though a little wobbly on my feet and believed for a moment I may very well be coming down with something. Pulling myself together; gripping the edge of the table for support until the world around me stopped spinning, I shuffled over to the toilet area and stepped inside. A quick flush of cold water over my vacant expression would hopefully ease all of the ongoing tension in my shoulders and every muscle in my body. I noticed weeks ago that my bones felt like brittle every time I moved; my doctor had told me time and time again that I had to lessen the amount of stress going on, but it couldn't very well be avoided with the kind of work I did for a living. And it was a very boring life, as well. Filing papers was not my idea of a genuine career and certainly wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

A few minutes passed as I stood before the mirror and it was made less embarrassing when I realised I was the only one in there. My mood was pleasant, more or less, but the weird feeling that overtook my body every once in a while was making me nauseous. I simply couldn't understand how such a thing as stress could result in the symptoms of a common bug. Shrugging it off, I splashed my face one last time and quickly dried it off before heading back out, ready to take on the world once more as I somehow attempted to make my way out of the building and back to my apartment.

As was my unfortunate luck, however, I wound up bumping right into someone on my way out of the toilets and my surprised expression no doubt spoke for me. Alas, a few seconds passed in silence before a fluffy of apologies escaped my quick tongue and I absently reached to grab the woman's upper arms as I continued my little onslaught of human decency. I couldn't recall a time I had been so careless before, even in such an oblivious state, as the one I was in right now.

“I am so sorry. Damn it all to hell.. I should just go jump in front of a bus and get it all over with. Can you forgive me? I swear, I haven't been drinking, unless you count caffeine as the kind of beverage that shifts the ability to concentrate. God damn it.. I really am sorry.”

There was only one sound that followed my outburst and my hands quickly dropped down to my sides, fearing the worst and assuming the laughter was of course aimed at making me feel even more ridiculous. I was wrong, apparently. The woman, who looked a lot more like a man as far as her dress code was concerned; and the tone of her voice, looked upon me as though I was the cutest little baby on earth. A smile that resembled more of a cheeky grin formed on her lips and I was hooked by that alone. One of her own hands reached up and cupped the side of my face — unknowingly, I leaned into the touch and hurriedly became flustered when I realised what I was doing.

I spun around fairly quickly and touched my cheek, feeling that familiar heat beginning to rise. Before long, my entire face would be bright red and I did not want that to happen in front of someone so confusingly attractive. Wasn't I straight? Yes. I was sure this was a woman, but damn it all to hell, why was there such appeal there? I couldn't answer that and already, could feel the heat increasing in temperature. I swiftly turned back around and barely brushed by her arm to take my leave when she grasped my own, halting me in my tracks. Leaning in as she spoke, I felt the warmth of her breath pass through locks of my hair and listened carefully to every word she spoke. This was new; I hadn't been attracted to a woman until now and this was certainly nothing ordinary.

—I'd like to get to know you... why don't you stay a while? Or if you'd feel more comfortable, you can take me back to your place. What do you say?

I was absolutely positive my nose resembled that of Rudolph at this point and though I struggled hard to maintain a little dignity and remain in control of my voice, every word came out as more of a hushed scolding, as though I was suffering from a really bad throat infection. Either way, she got the point and it amazed me she knew I was interested. But I still wondered, as we strolled out of the building together, if she knew I was not like her.

“You do know I'm straight, right?” I asked, curious as I peered over in her direction.

As before, a smile blossomed on her face, but there appeared to be a hint of confusion dotted in her eyes, albeit barely noticeable to the untrained eye. No matter, she moved a little closer upon noticing my involuntary shiver against the cool night air and draped an arm over my shoulders, pulling me in toward her boyish frame. It felt right and for a moment, I forgot about everything.

“Actually.. thought you were like me, girl. That really does surprise me.. with those boots you're wearing. My circle of friends and I.. we have this default list of fashion trends only a lesbian would be brave enough to meet.. and those boots with that dress, y'know...”

I had to laugh a little at the reasons she had given me, but somehow, could understand what she was talking about. But I never had met fashion standards and seldom liked to keep up to date with any of the latest trends, so there wasn't anything false in her reasoning at all. After I'd had a good old laugh over it, at which point she had joined in when she noticed I wasn't going to stop, we had reached my complex. Something inside of me stirred uncontrollably and I felt a lurch, telling me this wasn't as good an idea as I'd originally believed it to be. The look in her eyes told me the same thing.

“If you really are straight, why did you bring me back here?” she asked, a hint of playfulness in her tone, but she also seemed very interested in my response as she folded her arms.

“I.. don't really know. You.. for a girl, you're.. well, I'm sure you know” I babbled, knowing I wasn't making all that much sense – and barely understanding any of it myself.

“You might not want to do this, girl. It's not a very good idea.. you might think you do, but you'll regret it in the morning, if not a few hours. It's just one of those things” she said.

“I..” was all I managed to force out of my mouth before acting on impulse and forcing a kiss onto her lips; they had looked far too inviting and she was making it all the more difficult to hold back.

The kiss continued for a minute or two and somehow, my hands had wound up in her hair, whilst hers clung tightly to my waist before wrapping around my back, pulling me in toward her until our shared warmth heightened the moment and had us seeing a bit of sense.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. That was pretty foolish.. I.. need to go inside” I mumbled, refusing to make eye contact with the woman I was already falling for.

“..See” was all she said, her smile tilting upside down as she frowned some at me, having anticipated the rejection she would receive after kissing a straight woman.

“I don't even know your name” I blurted out, tears filling my eyes at all the confusion swimming around in my head as everything became too much to focus on.

“I'm Shane — and you?” she responded, reaching forward to brush one of her thumbs beneath my left eye as a stray tear fell down my cheek.

“Grace..” I forced a tiny smile as her hand remained on my cheek before she moved it around to the back of my head, fingers tangling themselves within my hair as I instinctively moved forward. “.. Fuck it.”

With those words, I shot forward like a rocket and caught her lips as she met me halfway in another heated moment. Hands travelled everywhere and clothes were already beginning to make their way off of our bodies, but I quickly stepped back before anything we didn't particularly want visible, became as such in the middle of the street.

“Wanna come up?” I asked, a spark of mischief in my eyes as I ran my tongue over my lower lip, tasting the kiss we had shared mere seconds before. “I promise, I won't regret it.”

Oh sweet merciful heavens this is awesome! I can't even right now, this is wonderful. :-D I officially ship Shane and Grace. Please keep up the A++++ work my dear. :-)